Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
