that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
