the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
They have beer where we have blood.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
