my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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