he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
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