so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize