nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize