Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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