i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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