Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
