I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
