so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
