Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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