and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
