When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
