Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
