dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
