uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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