While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize