Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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