best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
