i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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