actually, I'm a sock model
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
