We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
