yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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