Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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