honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
