She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
