my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize