Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
