on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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