Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
