Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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