im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize