Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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