I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
