White coat. Heels.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
