I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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