I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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