but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
