dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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