onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
