This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
