i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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