your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
