he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize