i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
