he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
