My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
