Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize