i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
