My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize