When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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