Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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