He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
