I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I understand Curling. That high.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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