cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
