hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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