I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
