Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
