The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Never underestimate the power of titties
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
