i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
