Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
