my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
