ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
