I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
