so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
